San Diego Happy Hour Blog

Chris Gray, the cheap, but classy Bastard

How NOT to Attract a Woman at a Bar

By ChrisPublished 01/16/2009

Since the dawn of time, we men have struggled to find ways to attract women in the easiest way. We have searched high and low for ways to make them laugh, smile, and find us interesting. One would think that after thousands of years of research, we men would have had this thing down to a science……but we don’t. We have actually made very little headway in the line of attracting the opposite sex. Men, I wish I could give you tips on how to tame and tantalize women…..but I can’t. Fortunately for those looking for insight on the female species, I have amassed a large list of how NOT to attract a woman (lucky me). To be more specific, I want to discuss a technique that nears the top of my list as one of the WORST ways to get a girl. We have all heard the line before, and the thought alone of saying this to a girl makes my skin crawl with desperation:

“Hi, my name is ________, can I buy you a drink?”

Yes, the act of buying a beautiful girl a cocktail is amongst the weakest methods of attracting them. I know the ladies will give me flack for impeding on their nights of free booze from desperate men, but it’s a FACT that this method of starting a conversation just plain sucks. Here is why:

1. You are spending money. In this weak economy, I can’t afford to spend $7 ($2-$5 if you are at happy hour) on every girl I want to talk to at a bar. It’s just plain expensive and a waste of money. Plain and simple, my cash is much better spent on buying drinks for myself and friends.

2. You are spending money for someone’s attention. I have never once paid another man money in exchange for a conversation with him. Nor will I do this for a girl. I would like to think that my personality was enough to interest another person. In buying a drink for a random girl, you are subtly offering her a gift to make up for something you personally lack. You are secretly telling her “let me give you a gift in order to make you more interested in me”. This shows weakness and desperation in the eyes of a girl. I know it’s controversial, but it’s true. Try flipping it on them, and ask them to buy YOU a drink. Most girls have never heard this, and the response you get from them will be surely more interesting than the small talk she had to make with the loser that just bought her a drink.

3. You are un-original. No gentlemen, you are not the first guy this week to offer this girl a drink. She actually has this happen to her multiple times in an evening (surprise!) You have just grouped yourself into that lucky group of men that are overtly drooling for her attention. She knows this. She is bored with this type of pickup. And even if she really wants a drink, and you really are a suitable guy for her, you will have immediately lost her attention by grouping yourself with these other desperate men. Once again, try using your wit and personality. You will be surprised.

4. She is now forced to talk to you. I know a bunch extremely attractive and somewhat broke women. I always like to pry and gain insight as to what an average night out for these girls entail. I am always somewhat jealous that these girls have tons of men pouring over them and offering to buy them drinks, food, and god knows what else during the course of the evening. I simply couldn’t imagine being showered with people trying to buy me things…….especially if I was broke! But here is the shocker: All of these extremely attractive (and broke) girls bring their own money out to bars and clubs in order to buy their own drinks. It is very simple as to why these girls do this. When a girl gets a drink from a man, she is immediately obligated to give him her attention. She is forced to talk to a loser that she otherwise wouldn’t want to. When a girl buys her own drink, she can enjoy her evening without being bothered and forced to talk to random men. Again, even if you are a fascinating guy, you are instantly grouped as “that guy buying drinks for me all night”, and NOT “that fascinating guy I met last night”. Trust me, I have heard my girl friends talk about “that guy” a thousand times…….don’t be him.

I know it seems a bit crass and counter-intuitive, but buying a girl a drink is not the best tool in your pickup quiver. Sure it has worked for some men (very few), and sure some girls find the free cocktail to be a sweet gesture (chump), but there are much better (cheaper) ways to attract women. Instead, try it in this order:

Meet a girl. Converse with this girl. Find this girl interesting and funny. Find that you wouldn’t mind seeing this girl again. Buy this girl a drink.
-Chris