Your Douchey Style

     About an hour ago, at the time of this writing, I witnessed something so alarming that it prompted me to drop everything and write this article.  I just witnessed an attractive female friend of mine get picked up for a date from my house, and it got me thinking.  When a female friend of mine is seeing a new guy, I am usually quick to pass a snap judgment of the guy in question.  My snap judgment is strictly on a visual basis and is mentally compiled in a matter of seconds.  This instance stood out in one simple way when I first laid eyes on the guy (and only took a millisecond to complete)…he was wearing an Ed Hardy shirt.  Furthermore, this was his “date shirt”!

     This got me thinking a bit and begged some very crucial questions:  Do douche bags know that they look like douche bags?  If so, do they care? 

     For all intensive purposes, I want to focus on strictly on the appearance of the douche bag rather than their inherent behaviors.  The Urban Dictionary simply defines a douche bag as: “someone with an over-inflated sense of self worth…….completely oblivious to his moronic behavior…….and is composed of a combination of attitude qualities, social behaviors, and attire”.  In this article, I want to focus simply on the “attire” aspect of the douche bag rather than delve into their attitudes and behaviors.

     To those who don’t know, an Ed Hardy shirt is the universal visual symbol of douchebaggery, followed (in no particular order), by muscles, spiked hair, extreme tanning, plucked eyebrows, “badass” tattoos, female name brand glasses, embroidered jeans, and “baller” accessories etc.   But the funny part about this particular example is the fact that the Ed Hardy shirt became a universal calling card of the Douche about 9-22 months ago, depending on who you ask (this article was written in June ’09).  Meaning that most all non-douchey people knew that these $98 t-shirts were no longer “pimp shit” by the end of 2008. 

      The Ed Hardy brands’ demise could be seen by most everyone.  By the end of 2008, an Ed Hardy nightclub had opened in Las Vegas and Costco was selling their name branded shirts for $22.  In early 2009, Wal Mart began to carry a line of Ed Hardy car products that included air fresheners, sun visors, and seat covers.  Other products in the Wal Mart Ed Hardy line included Bic lighters and beer coozies.  In other words, Ed Hardy is no longer a high-end brand, and the shirts don’t look “cash” on anyone anymore.

     It seems that everyone got the memo (including my mother) about Ed Hardy….except the douches.  This is what perplexes me about what separates us from “them”.  They just don’t care!  What else can explain this guy picking up a date in an Ed Hardy Shirt!?  This is true with most relics of douches past.  In the 80’s it was the Bad Boy club brand, Camaros,  and gold chains.  In the 90’s, it was tribal armband tattoos, frosted hair, goatees, and Versace.  Today we have Ed Hardy and males wearing Swarovski studded female sunglasses.  In all fairness, one can’t blame someone for participating in these fashions when they first “come into style”.  It’s when guys just cant let go of these styles months and years after they go out that makes them a douche (notwithstanding tattoos: tough luck).

     A personal example: There was a time in high school when I wore blue wrap-around sunglasses with bright transparent yellow lenses.  I looked like a clown.  But, believe it or not, I thought I was pretty cool.  Some girls even told me I looked cool.  Now imagine me wearing these yellow-lens glasses today: total douchebag.  See my point?

     We are all guilty of douchey style believe it or not.  Some guys modify their cars appearance, wear shirts with ridiculous logos, or have a spiky hairstyle that was totally “hot” in college.  And that’s ok.  Yet, it is when we hang onto these styles for too long, that we start to develop the traits of a douchebag.  Be careful to limit your douchey tendencies, and be aware of them.  For it is when you fail to notice your douchey style, that you too take a huge step in the wrong direction.