San Diego Happy Hour Blog

Chris Gray, the cheap, but classy Bastard

Random blog about whatever is on his mind; girls, drinking, or top 10 lists.

By ChrisPublished 01/02/2009

Hello, and welcome to my blog on Happy Hour Magazine. I want to start off by introducing myself and telling you all why I chose to write for such a lovely magazine. My name is Chris, I live in San Diego, I attended college in San Diego, I was born in the 80’s, I enjoy alcohol, I love classy venues, I relish in nice food………but most of all, I am an extremely cheap bastard. I’m the type of guy to drop a coupon on a first date. I am the type of guy that asks “ummmm, what are your drink specials tonight?” when the bar is four people deep. Yeah, I’m “THAT” guy. My cheapness is one of my most defining characteristics, so my stint here at Happy Hour Magazine is a match made in heaven. Where else can one dine and drink like a king (and even buy a round of cocktails for friends) without getting that sinking feeling of remorse when the bill arrives? The answer is: at happy hour.

I am 28 years old, and by San Diego nightlife standards, I should be in my second round of rehab. Fortunately, I attended UCSD, which in some ways “stifled” my early social development and most of all kept me from developing the drinking habits of those “State students” my mother always warned me about. In my post-college life I work at a normal job, with a bunch of somewhat normal people. Also, most all my friends work in normal careers and are starting to “settle down” a bit in their mid-twenties (whatever that means). The reason I am writing about my friends and co-workers here is observe an odd phenomena I am witnessing amongst my mid-twenties counterparts…….something I call the exaggerated “old persons” hangover.

Let me tell you what I’m getting at here. Not a week goes by that I don’t hear some 26 year-old walk into my office at 10am, looking a bit haggard, and say something like “Oh man, I just can’t drink like I used to when I was 21”, or “my hangovers are so much worse now that I’m 26”. It is perplexing to me that these “old” people are now so frail in their mid-twenties, that that third glass of wine will completely ruin them for the next day. What is at work here? Are these perfectly healthy “old” people past their prime? Is the act of drinking alcohol something they should forfeit and replace with maybe green tea or diet Coke? I am a bit skeptical here, and my research hypothesis suggests that these people are just looking for something to complain about and don’t get out enough…… i.e. wussies.

The theory these “old” people profess, is that now that they have aged a bit, their bodies are no longer able to process alcohol like they once could. You have probably heard some variation of this excuse in regards to food, and why your ex-girlfriend put on 25lbs after high school. Seems logical, yet I think something else is at work here. I just don’t buy it. The thing is that these “old” people have new priorities that adversely affect their new drinking habits.

Problem #1: “old” people now have to work real jobs. This poses a variety of problems. The first of these problems is the fact that these people now have to wake up before noon, five days out of the week. If a random birthday party arises on a Tuesday, these people are forced to balance both work and pleasure (gasp!) in order to attend such an event. Due to their new stringent schedule, these people now have a dilemma.

Here are a few tips for these working people forced to go out on a Tuesday.

No shots. Period.

No girlie drinks with more than two ingredients (even if you are a girl).

Go easy on buying “rounds”……these four people you just bought drinks for now, in turn, each owe you a drink (that’s four for you).

Problem #2: You don’t get out much any more. This point is very important. A person that doesn’t “go out” more than once a week tends to behave like a 17 year-old girl at a frat party when they so much as smell vodka (These are the people you see acting like jackasses at most New Years parties). Learn to keep it cool. First off, your tolerance may be a bit off, so accommodate for it. Eat a meal before you go out. Pace yourself. Being away from your television for a few hours is exciting (I know!), but just relax. And just because your friends are drinking like fish, doesn’t mean that you are up to their level.

Problem # 3: You pre-partied. This is a move reserved for advanced drinkers only. If you don’t drink like you used to, the pre-party is no place to render yourself unconscious before you even step foot in the club. Have a drink or two. Loosen up. If you are debating whether or not the bouncer will let you in to the bar you go to after your pre-party…..just get a cab and go home, your friends don’t want to baby sit you anyway.

Problem #4: You can now afford to pay for drinks. Now that you are “old” and established you will be tempted to buy expensive liquors and those drinks on the “special $11 cocktails” list that nobody ever orders off of. I cant tell you the last time I had a cocktail with Grand Marnier or Drambuie, but I will tell you that if I DID get hangovers, it would be from these types of sugary-sweet drinks (see #1 above).

In sum, the “old” persons hangover is usually reserved for the “newly” inexperienced partygoer. I’m sorry, but you are not too old to drink “like you used to” when you are 26, it’s just that you need to get back into the swing of things with the rest of us. There are no excuses to be made when you blame your age for your amateur decisions. Take my tips and use them. And the next time you are moaning and groaning about how much your head hurts, remember, practice makes perfect.

-Chris